How I Broke Myself and Where I Found Help (A Meditation on Injury and Recovery)

This post is an experiment.  In the past I’ve tended to stay away from things I’ve deemed too personal, preferring to share The Good in public and deal with The Hard in private.  In this case, even tho I felt there may be value for others in the sharing of this experience I found myself reluctant to do so because I felt it would expose vulnerability.  Fear is one of the worst reasons to keep quiet about anything.  So here it is – Let me know what you think.

About 8 weeks ago:

I am walking back to my flat from a hard training session carrying a heavy pack.  It is dark and I am spent.  Suddenly I feel a sharp pain in three different places on my right leg.  Not good.

I limp the rest of the way home.  I know I’ve damaged myself, but not yet how badly.

Present time:

Turns out, quite badly.  The first three weeks I couldn’t walk.  Doctors say that tendon damage is the likely culprit. There are X-rays, then physiotherapists, then different doctors who inform me that rehab may be a lengthy process.

Now, bypassing the fact that I had since birth assumed myself indestructible, I should mention that: I meditate daily, am in fairly good shape, and have studied philosophy for most of my adult life.  So the story I’d been telling myself was that I was more than prepared for any and all calamities life could send my way.  I mean, I had read and studied the Stoics the Buddha and the Tao Te Ching.  When the shit went down others may go to pieces but I would be ready.  Yes Sir.  I would deal well.  Maybe even with an enviable ease and an understated yet enlightened flair.

Turns out this story was a crock of horseshit.

Because in reality I reacted to the injury as I think pretty much anyone else would; by cycling between periods of: acceptance, hope, denial, fear, anger, frustration, depression and back again.  Somedays I would think I was healing well, others I’d be convinced that I would never walk again.  My mind would compile unasked-for lists of all the things I had definitely lost forever.  Long walks with my beloved, gone.  Mountains, gone.  Trail runs, goneMountains….Jesus!  I’d catch myself quasi-obsessing about ultra-helpful questions like: would I be able to stand onstage or would I have to sit from now on?  Would I be able to walk without limping or would I have to use a cane?  If I had kids, would I be able to play ball with them, or was I just ‘broken guy’?  And on, and on.

At this point you may be thinking: ‘Really?  Come on dude, it just sounds like you have a hurty leg.  Suck it up!  There are people with waaay bigger problems in the world.

And you would not be wrong.  But even so, there were times when it got real dark for me.  I’m not proud to admit it, but it’s the truth.

And yet…

…I also found that it wasn’t all bad.

As time inched inexorably on I couldn’t help but notice that there were some unexpected positives arising from the situation.  For starters, not being able to train, go to the mountains, or even really leave my flat freed up an awful lot of time.  Time I was to pour into my work – one of the main sources of joy.  My body started responding well to the rehab movements and I realized I was shoring up some holes in my training I’d been previously unaware of.  I started getting up earlier, and found that I very much liked working in the predawn hours.  So I got up even earlier.  Until I settled on waking up somewhere around 4:00 A.M.  I found I had a lot more time for reading, for listening, and for conversation.  Friends I hadn’t spoken with regularly for years, I was suddenly speaking to daily.

But by far the most important thing was the greater sense of empathy I began to feel for those who found themselves injured or broken in some fashion.  I was at first surprised, and then ashamed to realize that before my own injury I had been more apt to judge than to sympathize.  This stark realization about the shortcomings of my character was painful, and it was humbling, but not in a bad way.

It is in the times when we have experienced some kind of significant failure or loss that we are most open to change and growth.  We become much less picky about where we find our advice because we just want something that works.  Personally, the thing that has helped me most was a throwaway comment from Sharon Salzberg (a Buddhist teacher) during a recent interview.

In response to a question about meditation practice she said:

The practice was not at all about what was happening, but was only about how you were relating to it.  About how much compassion you were able to bring to the process.

She was talking about Buddhist meditation practice, but I took it as relevant to my whole life experience.

Now, maybe you’re the sort of person who, when they read the words ‘Buddhism’ and ‘Meditation’ thinks: ‘New Age Purple Crystal Woo Woo Alert!’  I hear you.  I sometimes think that too.  But even so, these two lines genuinely helped me.  They gave me a filter through which things have been made easier during the darker times.

And I think this is probably because:

When a man is drowning he doesn’t care what the float looks like.

I hope you got something from this post, and I wish you well,

– J


This post was an experiment and I’d really love to know what you thought of it.

If you have any thoughts, comments, questions (or just want to say hi) please use the comments box just below, I’d love to talk with you.

So let’s do that.


One Last Thing:

One of the things I am doing with my abundant free time is resurrecting the monthly letter to my mailing list.

This is a short letter containing the very best of what I’ve: read, listened to, seen, and made in the month gone past.  I work hard to make each one a little piece of art and they are quite beautiful. The next one is due to be sent out very soon.  If you’d like to try it you can sign up here.  It is (and always will be) free, and there is zero spam.

Big hug ((()))

100 Replies to “How I Broke Myself and Where I Found Help (A Meditation on Injury and Recovery)”

  1. Thanks for sharing your story. I went through something similar exactly a year ago and looking back I can now say that the experience taught me so much that I’m grateful for it. And yet it was probably the lowest point in my life and there is this tiny bit of fear deep inside that if I went through it again I would not be any better at handling it 🙂
    Last December I ended up in the hospital with swelling in the lining of my heart. I didn’t know how long it would take to get better or if I would even get better, and I was shocked at how angry I was at myself and at my body for failing me. I remember I was in the middle of reading a great mindfulness book and had been meditating daily when it all happened. I had experienced serious health issues in the past and I thought I was a pro at it. So when this happened and all I could feel was extreme anger, I really didn’t know what to do with myself. I was shocked at how badly I sucked at being sick when i had been through it before. I tried to keep meditating but I couldn’t quiet the negative voices in my head telling me I wasn’t going to get better. The idea of being present in the moment when i was in so much pain seemed ridiculous at the time.
    It took months to get back to normal and be able to workout and lift weights again, which is something that I love doing on a daily basis. And I think it took months to process it all even after I got better.
    Strangely something switched in my brain after all that happened and all the negative mental chatter that used to be there even when I was healthy, is now pretty much gone. Extreme situations sometimes lead to extreme change and give us a great deal of perspective. The self kindness I have now would not be there without those dark times. Turns out pain and time are the best teachers (even when we try to run away from them) 🙂
    Hope you continue to feel better!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes. Yes. Yes. This is, and was, almost exactly my experience also.
      I have come to think (after receiving a bunch of stories from different people) that the ‘Dammit! I should be better at this! I suck!’ bit, is a necessary stage in the process. Personally, I find it funny how bad I was at dealing with my injury initially.
      I am glad that you have come thru it – I am very much looking forward to lifting weights again. You are a lucky person.
      Really lovely to read your words, I truly appreciate them.
      Big hug, xx

      Like

  2. Thank you for posting this, especially since you felt a real risk in doing so. I hope the rehab continues to improve things, and the you are feeling much, much better very soon! So many lessons in circumstances like this, aren’t there? Patience and compassion top the list, as does humility. I genuinely hope you enjoy the process of healing, and all that it brings you. I realize that may sound incredibly odd – but bear with me. It’s an opportunity (as you have seen already) to re-align priorities and one’s perspective on any number of things. And to focus on the process of being-in-the-world, and setting one’s sights on what that could look like: on potential. Hugs and all best wishes to you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thankyou very much for this. I am taking your advice wholesale, and will do my absolute best to enjoy the process (which, by the way, is a very beautiful reframe of the situation).
      I found your words genuinely valuable, and for me there is no higher compliment.
      Thanks again, I wish you well,
      – J

      Like

  3. Thank you, James, for your vulnerability. Life is messy and it is good to share the good and the ugly. Our world does not become better by show-off Facebook stuff. Your story is so recognisable, I have been alway’s quite fit and saw myself as indestructible. Then I was hit by glandular fever, a couple of years ago. I had to rebuild not only my physical but especially my mental fitness. I recognise your lessons but years later I most value the lesson that I had to take my meditation practice and apply the same mindfulness to my physical exercise and long kayak trips and treat the ageing body with more empathy. It is also good to see these values in your life, in your case the mountains and in my case the sea. It is the motivation to get back on track and do the hard work of recovery.

    Big Hug for your story

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I love this comment. Thankyou very much for it – you write beautifully.
      I have been almost overwhelmed, and incredibly heartened by all the people who have, in turn, shared their stories of illness, injury, or obstacle – and how they have engaged with it. You are incredible 😉
      I am very glad we met, and look forward to hearing about your adventures.
      Thanks for the seaweed! 😉
      – J x

      Like

    1. Thankyou very much – I am really glad that you got something from it.
      Some of the stories I have received since posting have been incredible – stories like yours.
      Hope this finds you healed, thanks again for reading, and for taking the time to comment.
      Be well,
      – J

      Like

  4. James, my heart skipped a beat when I saw your beautiful post pop up on my feed, your vulnerable words touched me deeply (as they often do!)…since last May I’ve been providing care & support to my Mom who sustained a significant fracture to her right femur due to a freak accident involving a moving vehicle. She had emergency surgery while on vacation about 3 hours from me and was bedridden with a splint for almost two months after she returned home…she has recovered well and has only recently started walking in her home without the aid of a walker…this week she will try to walk outside on her own with rehab support! As a cancer survivor, I know that feeling well, the feeling that our warrior selves have somehow allowed an unknown enemy to breach our walls…what helped me as I underwent two surgeries in less than five weeks several years ago was to live my life one second at a time, I no longer had the luxury of living too far in the future or hanging out in the past, it was a form of mindfulness that helped me through all kinds of craziness that a cancer diagnosis brings on (btw this is my banner year, I’m officially 5 years cancer free!). I hope your healing progresses well, it sounds like you are doing all the right things and are taking good advantage of the spaciousness that has opened up in your life…it is a joy to once again read your words here! Take good care, Kim.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. First, let me say that I am so happy that this is your banner year! That is phenomenal news, well done you – you have walked through the fire and emerged. Big hug.
      Thankyou very much for this. One of the most beautiful (and unexpected) benefits of sharing this has been all the stories and messages of goodwill that I’ve received in the past week – people are very kind, as you are very kind.
      Lastly, it is really nice to hear your voice again. I have missed you. Big, big hug,
      – J x

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I have missed your voice, too – I used to be able to connect via IG but haven’t been able to access my account for a wee while (so frustrating!) due to overzealous security, I tried to check my account late one evening and their system blocked me! I may have to create a new account…I hope this note finds you well on the eve of a brand new month and as always, your words have warmed my heart!

        Like

  5. Good to see you posting again. I can’t honestly recall now why I clicked on follow your blog months ago. Probably my own limited retention span. I too am not a sharer of personal things. My wife on the other hand is always open and is very much into Centering Prayer, me less so. My stages tend to be denial, anger (not self pity why me) then onto acceptance more like a get on with life, live with it. You and my wife probably follow a better path. Me, I guess I’m too old to change. Thanks for your post, a good read.

    Liked by 1 person

              1. Some of the best skills require patience, practice and diligence to learn; much like meditation or playing a musical instrument.
                On a side note, I recently watched “it might get loud,” a documentary of The Edge, Jack White and Jimmy Page. You may like it, it was interesting to see each artist’s creative process. I’ve since had more respect for each of them. The Edge has quiet a bit of self-doubt, but it drives him to push his creative edge. Would never have known…. (and in sharing that, I see where that plays a role for me, too).
                Have a great day!

                Liked by 1 person

                1. Hey there Tiffany,
                  I really liked that documentary, and have recommended it myself to a few people. I found it really interesting to see how the three musicians interacted, and how different their processes were.
                  Thanks a lot for taking the time to read and comment, you made me smile.
                  Have a good one,
                  – J

                  Liked by 1 person

  6. James – I am so sorry you are hurt. Truly. What a mess. I hope your leg is mending steadily and you find some respite in your varied creative outlets beside work – and maybe you even come across a new passion when you have to rest, rest, and rest some more…sketching? doodles? Sudoku? Chess? I hope you have some friends nearby who help(ed) you out with practical stuff like buying groceries, cooking a nice meal, keeping you company a bit and lending an ear. You really have my sympathies, dear man. I can very much relate to your turmoil of thoughts and worries and feelings. Very much. You have every right to them. Strange, how the body has its own mind. And it so often speaks in riddles. The messages it gives are not written in black on white with clear “management instructions” – it would be so helpful! But it´s not like that. So we (mostly) try our best with treating mind and body as good as we can- with no guarantees. I know this indignation when the mind is so absolutely convinced “I´ve done right and well” and the body says: Meeeeh!!! Why do mind and body not go in synch automatically? One of the many mysteries of mankind. Again the indignation “But I already do so much to get them in synch!”. Aaaaargh. Accepting what is and work with it, learn from it – an uncomfortable task. Very uncomfortable indeed. I believe you when you say you find meaning in this daunting situation. And getting to know oneself when in a “very bad place” is valuable, in any case. Again – very uncomfortable. But valuable. And I believe you have the guts to really look. Many hugs to you.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Beautiful Cris,
      Thankyou very much for this – it is truly appreciated.
      I count myself as very fortunate that: a) I have really good people around me, and b) My work is not reliant on my injury in any way 😉
      I am doing well, recovery is going well, and I thank you again for this beautiful comment.
      Big hug,
      – J

      Like

  7. Thank you for this well-written, moving and meaningful post. I wish more people would share experiences like this. It requires a great deal of personal reflection and courage, which you have in abundance! I think by sharing experiences like this we really can help one another be more authentic human beings, and to heal from physical and emotional injuries. Much more so than with all the “think positive and be a warrior” nonsense. The best of luck as you continue on.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I appreciate the honesty, when you get right down to it you know we’re all just human. You know when it comes to philosophy we all have the ability to reason, and you did a good job of it in this blog. You know I’m a Christian man and from that perspective all of life makes sense even the broken parts.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. James,

    How are you doing?

    Some people hate to ask how a person is doing after an injury.. However, I think differently. Reason for– from my experience, when someone asked me how I was doing after I had surgery– it helped me realized how far I’ve come…

    I understand exactly where you are coming from. I am a skater/biker (use to be a runner). A couple years ago- as I was skating and a kid ran in the middle of the skating rink floor (in her socks sliding all over the floor) and hit my knee head first; full force (full impact).

    My left knee was bigger than a ballon. Long story short, it was a meniscus tear and I had to have surgery. I did my own rehab since I have my masters in Exercise Science. Rehab was a long journey. I was on crutches for six weeks. After six weeks, I slowly had to teach myself how to balance and walk again (since my knee wasn’t completed straight). I faithfully went to the chiropractor and ate a healthy diet to help heal my cartilage, tendons, bones, muscles, etc.. (bone broth, MSM, Fish oil, Vit D, and turmeric helped a LOT!!) Chamomile tea helped relax my muscles at night. Epsom salt, sea salt and lavender oil helped me rest at night as well.

    Along with rehab and changing my diet.. I started to meditate– and that was the best thing I could do! It helped me to turn my self pity into a positive mindset.. When I found myself falling into depression my rescue/safe meditation word was “skate”.

    After a year, I was back on my skates!

    However, guess what? I had to have two surgeries within a year because of compensation on my right knee. With that being said, Go Figure. I had to do all of the above over twice.

    I am going to be honest, it wasn’t easy, but meditating really got me through it.

    James hang in there and keep hope alive.

    My safe and focus word was “skate” and I am skating again. It was a LONG journey, but I got through it and you will too.

    Mediating cleared my mind, it made me feel light, and it gave me hope every single day! Honestly, although I couldn’t work out like I wanted too; rehab was a challenge, but every day was an improvement. Meditating released endorphins and I tell ya, my body loved it and was healing faster than I encounter.

    Being an athlete– it is hard to be down– but our body can handle it, because it want to get back at it just as much as our mind tells us.

    Things will look up sooner than you think. Keep the faith and know every day is progress. Every day your body is healing, because it is better than it was yesterday.

    Take my advice– let your body heal at it’s own time… Do not rush it, because you want to have a complete healthy recovery.

    Please feel free to reach out any time if you need someone to talk too.

    Many blessings,

    Charlena

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Man, this was a much needed comment – thankyou for all of the practical advice, I am adding every piece of it to this week’s shopping list!
      I am sorry to hear of your troubles, but heartened by the fact that you seem to be dealing with them so well – you must have a very strong character.
      I have been up for a little over 24 hours straight (long story) so am headed to bed right now, but wanted to reply to this before I slept.
      I really appreciate you reaching out, and doubly appreciate the advice.
      Be well, keep going, speak soon,
      – J x

      Like

  10. James, I had been wondering where you got to as I missed your posts. My son has found his way back to himself through meditation and reflection when he was in a very dark place and through him I rediscovered mediation and it’s healing effects. It does not matter how others might judge one’s suffering because when you are suffering, for whatever reason, it is personal, as is the road to overcoming it. And sharing is also an important part of recovery I believe. I’m sure that whatever the outcomes, you will come back to the things you love, but maybe in a different way. The Universe had something to teach you, and you learned. Congratulations and I hope the rest of your recovery goes well. Sending positive thoughts your way.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thankyou for the positive thoughts, for reading the post, and for taking the time to write this – I am very glad to hear from you.
      It sounds as if your son is on a good path. I am happy for you both. Meditation is the way forward 😉
      I have been up for 24 hours straight, so need to get to sleep now, but wanted to reply before I did.
      Big hug to you both, don’t be a stranger,
      – J x

      Liked by 1 person

  11. James, thank you, thank you for this! I’ve missed your longer pieces and now here’s the reason for the silence. Thank you for taking the leap into vulnerability.
    I am so sorry for your serious injury and the slow process of healing. Just reading how you’ve come to embrace other elements of your life, passion and spirituality is so encouraging.
    How well I can relate to feeling “I shouldn’t have such a hard time with this … others have MUCH more serious problems.” My “handicap” is a genetic disorder in my hands, making writing increasingly more difficult. I also went through that predictable gamut of thoughts and feelings, and still do.
    I love what you wrote about compassion. Compassion for others, but I think I read in your piece that you also need compassion for your present situation. Am I right? Oh how hard I find this–– compassion for the “limitation” itself. But I want to learn it and grow as a result.
    On a related note: this is the 2nd nudge toward compassion in the past 2 days. I’m listening. 😊
    So glad you are back to writing, and especially thankful for your honesty. You encourage us all. – Warmest wishes, Julia

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey there Julia, it is really lovely to hear from you.
      First, thankyou for your beautiful comment, you made me smile, and I am always happy for that.
      I am sorry to hear of your troubles, but am glad that you are dealing so well.
      I have been up for around 24 hours straight at this point, so am headed to bed – sleep is important (they tell me).
      Don’t be a stranger. Big hug ((()))

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks, James. I am dealing better than initially, but the longevity of an issue takes its toll. Learning how to talk about it is a process.
        Yes, sleep is important!! LOL! Getting up at 4AM is one thing, if you get a great rest before that! But if you’re up 24 hours? Hmmm … not so good! At least not in the long run.
        Big hug back to you! ((()))

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I hear you 😉
          It was a one-time thing. I had a chance to record something with a friend and it was the only way it was going to happen, so sleep got benched. But I plan to catch up (tho I was up at 4:30 this morning so….)
          Thankyou for your concern, you made me smile.
          And thankyou for the hug, always,
          Big hug back ((()))
          – J

          Liked by 1 person

  12. “When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability… To be alive is to be vulnerable.”
    ― Madeleine L’Engle
    I have always enjoyed your writing, but this was a true delight. It is not because I rejoice in your suffering; it is because I have deep hope in future healing and in the tenderness that only suffering can bring.

    -from your fellow broken blogger

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This is an incredibly beautiful quote, and message. Thankyou so much.
      I am very happy that you took something from this, I was honestly not sure whether I was going to post it.
      Now I am glad that I did.
      Have a great day, thanks again,
      – J

      Like

  13. Thank you for sharing your vulnerable experience, James. It is not easy to get hit in such a way, but mostly there are something, as we need to learn by it. I went to ICU in the summer for a while and I’m still working on the things, as I needed to learn too. It is not easy, but a part of our personal development.
    Wish you all good healing.

    Liked by 2 people

  14. What you said about learning compassion a a result of hurting is so very true. I congratulate you on making this link because it takes one out of Victim mode into seeing life as an experience to learn from. You wrote a nice piece and will doubtless be rewarded with many good comments. I have found that in my writings it is the personal ones that garner the most interest and comment. Best wishes for your recovery, and good for you for putting the time to good use. Warmest Regards, Tasha

    Liked by 1 person

      1. You might find them interesting. I have been told that like some others, my reason for being here is to make esoteric principles plain or to put them in language people can understand. I call myself an eclectic mystic,

        Liked by 1 person

  15. Oh how I know this as my own story. I seriously injured my knee on a high mountain hike on Sept 2nd. Fortunately, I was able to hike out. But the recovery has been a seesaw of emotions, many I’m still dealing with. But I too came to a place of intense compassion for others who are injured and even for myself. Last night, after swimming in self pity (the low side of the seesaw) I reached out in prayer for a sign that a gull healing was possible. I woke up to a friend sending me this blog post. Thank you for your words. They matter.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Hi James – It was nice to see your writing in my inbox again. I want you to know that I find posts about pain and darkness to be just as important as the light. Especially because there are so many people who are experiencing the exact same thoughts and feelings. Four years ago, I was a healthy doctorate student and in the span of 30 seconds, my life flipped. I’m chronically injured, chronically sick, and was forced to find a new career path. Life is absolutely not how I imagined it would be. Thankfully I’ve improved to a point (there was definitely a time I thought I’d never walk again). There have been some terrible days, but there have been days full of gratitude for the new people I met and the new life skills I developed. It’s true there are millions of people who have it worse than I do – and I struggle with the guilt sometimes – but I’m also reminded that I deserve some care as well (even if just from myself). Your story is important, and thank you for sharing. And as someone familiar with Buddhism, you know that suffering is a truth of life. We all suffer in some form or another, no matter how prepared we are. The journey through that suffering is enlightening. Sorry this is so long. I hope you are able to climb the mountains again soon.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You have no need to apologize for length – I loved every word.
      Thankyou so much for reading the post, and for taking the time to write to me. I am sorry for your travails, but am very glad that you seem to be finding your way through them. You absolutely deserve care. It is strange how, sometimes, it can be hardest to care for ourselves, isn’t it? Strange, but necessary.
      So many come to Buddhism thru the first truth – that Gautama guy does an awful lot of good work 😉
      It is lovely to hear from you, keep in touch,
      – J

      Like

  17. Thank you for that insight to who you are James. As I have mentioned, I have walked on this path for seven decades. Which means a lot of ups and downs. I found that it’s good to keep a positive approach to the downs. That is where we cultivate our character and can gain a tremendous amount of ‘self’. Many years ago, there was a poem, when I first heard it, it grabbed a hold on my heart and I kept a printed copy of it hanging on my wall. Naturally things come and go in ones life. I finally found another copy of it some 20 years later. I hung it again on my wall and read it everyday. My house burnt down and now it’s gone again. One line in it always rings in my heart during times when life starts bringing on the darkness. “Remember, life is unfolding just as it should”. One should embrace the downs as tightly as we embrace the ups. There are positive life changing lessons to learn in them.
    XXXOO

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love this commment, and your story about the poem. That is very beautiful.
      That is a true line if ever I heard one. And, I couldn’t agree more.
      Lovely to hear from you, don’t be a stranger, and I hope you find another copy of your poem.
      Big hug ((()))
      – J

      Like

  18. Oh James…..how do you always manage to sum up the experience so beautifully? When I found out I had a herniated disc and was suffering badly from sciatica that was exactly how I felt….and yet, and yet, there indeed was something so profoundly human and humbling about it all…..connecting me to more than just humanity but to really feel the connection to the “whole” if that makes any sense. When we are younger we tend to take our robust health for granted and we are more self aware and self centered. As we experience the universality of living we gain a more complete sense of connection….empathy..love…for each other and the journey we all share on this plane. You will again feel this when you create life and watch your children come into the world. It is an astounding process. And we bow to the wonder of life….rebirth and the cycle of it all. Can’t wait to hear your thoughts on that one day. 🙂

    I am so very happy you shared this with us. It is through your words that we bond, learn and grow. I wish you continued success with your recovery too.
    One cannot truly appreciate the sun without a bit of rain every now and then.
    Big big hugs from across the globe.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love, love, love, your comments. Goddamn. They are perfect.
      To be honest, before I hit the publish button I was a little like: ‘Well, here it goes, warts and all’ 😉
      I am so glad you saw the beauty in it. I find things that are true much more beautiful than the shallow, and it is lovely to hear that reflected back.
      And I am glad to speak to you here again – Your comments always make me smile.
      Big hug, Big love ((()))
      – J

      Like

  19. James! It is so good to see you back again, despite the situation you have been in. First, I am so sorry to hear about your leg and the pain you have been subject to, not to mention the inconvenience. But as you point out these times give you a chance to reassess, to understand, and to empathise. This is a blessing in itself. I have spent the past year in pain and major suffering by proxy. My dear wife fell and shattered her shoulder about two weeks before Christmas, and for many reasons couldn’t have a reparative operation for six months. It has been both pleasure and pain to nurse, encourage, cajole, reassure, and love her through that, through the operation, and subsequent recovery – still incomplete. It has changed my life, her life, and we both now look forward in an new way. Nothing will be the same again. I can now understand your vulnerability, your reluctance to put it onto others, the way that you have had to find patience and calm in the midst of it all. In all this one gets a glimpse of our own mortality, ghat is inevitably a shock. It brings a maturity that comes with passage through these times. I wish you rapid improvement; this too will pass, and remember what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Hugs to you too….. Tony

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Tony,
      First, it is really lovely to hear from you – I’ve missed you too!
      Second, I am very sorry to hear about your wife, it is true that there can be good in these situations if we choose to find it, but they also suck 😉
      Your comment humbled me, thankyou so, so much.
      Keep in touch dear friend, I am back on the blogging frame, and the best is yet to come!
      Big hug ((()))

      Liked by 1 person

  20. It’s frightening to discover we are not invincible. It’s hard to deal with any type of incapacitation. Your experience is a good example of human adaptability. I enjoyed reading this , it is helpful to know we are not alone when struggling to overcome a physical or mental roadblock.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. I really enjoyed your post, and not for the part of you breaking, but more so the part of you exposing your vulnerability – it’s something we all need to do more of.
    I’ve found that by practicing happiness and gratitude, I often fall harder when something goes wrong in life… I am especially hard on myself, because I think ‘I should be better than this, I should practice what I preach!’
    And I do – I’ve come to realise that just because I generally think positively, it doesn’t make it a bad thing, or me a bad person, to get upset at things not going to plan, or simply put, turning really shit. We’re all allowed to have dark thoughts and dark days – and then get on with it. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes! This is totally it. It was the ‘I should be better than this’ that was the real grind.
      It is a great thing to maintain a balanced, positive outlook, I commend you for it.
      Thankyou so much for reading, and for taking the time to comment, it means the world.
      I hope this finds you well, big hug,
      – J

      Liked by 1 person

  22. Wow, isn’t it amazing how messages come to you just when you need them most!
    Just yesterday I watched a TED Talk by BrenE Brown about vulnerability. Her message is that you can’t get emotionally close to someone unless you show them your vulnerability and trust them with it. Thank you so much for this lesson in revealing your insecurities. It takes huge courage. I hope to one day be so brave.
    Your experiment is a great success!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love that TED talk, it is one of my favourites.
      I am sure that you are much braver than me. Thankyou for being so kind, for reading the post, and for taking the time to respond.
      You made me smile.
      Big hug, big love,
      – J

      Like

  23. To every dark cloud there’s a silver lining! Every circumstance/incident/accident/event et al leaves behind a learning of some kind or the other.Well that’s what i feel. You found your learning during your recovery stage. It unfolded an altogether different perspective. Of course piece is personal yet gives out a message.There is a positive side to every thing in the world 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. There so is. Cliches are cliches because they are often TRUE.
      (This can be annoying 😉
      Thankyou for this, my beautiful friend – it is so nice to see you on my blog again.
      Big love, bigger hug ((()))
      – J

      Like

  24. Thank you for this post. Vulnerability is scary, but it is freeing too. It’s nice to see that you were able to find a positive outlook from something that interfered so drastically with the life you were used to live.
    Thank you for your honesty and I wish you lots of success on your way to recovery.

    xx

    Liked by 1 person

  25. I like this post and I’m sorry that you broke. You’re human is all. And I can totally relate. For me, it’s painting and reading that filled the physical void – and a new found patience and calm. An understanding that things will return in their own time and that, if I do give them a wee shove in my chosen direction, it should be gentle and respectful of what my body has endured. Right now I miss a lot of things I did ‘before’ but I’m working on creating an even better ‘after’. And that is exciting. I hope you heal well x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am woefully human. 😉
      Painting and reading are not bad ways at all to fill the void. You are beautiful and an inspiration. I am sure that there is much goodness in store for your future, beautiful artist. And be prepared for the day I commission a work from you – you are one of the few I would gladly hang on my wall.
      Big love, big hug, you too xx

      Like

  26. I like these kind of posts, because showing vulnerability makes another person feel more real to me and their lifes wore relatable and their words more meaningful to me. Like you already noticed: It’s difficult to feel empathy for something we don’t really understand and people in bad situations usually refrain telling others about it, out of fear to be judged for it, since that is often happening when the situation is unknown/unrelatable to others.
    In a way, you just traded “invincibility” with “being approachable” 😉
    Because of this post, I felt the need to write something, to give you some more acknowledgement than clicking a like button, because I know how it feels to put something out in the world that is considered as making oneself weak, when I think it really is the opposite of it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I really love this comment and find it incredibly heartening. Thankyou.
      I am happy with this trade 😉
      I am very glad you felt the need to write something. Your words brightened my day.
      You are awesome. Hope your Monday is amazing.
      Big hug ((()))

      Liked by 1 person

  27. First, a big hug to you – to further the healing process! And belief is an entire force in itself. Not a lot of people would believe without the examples or personal experience, but that is how scientific it needs to be for us to put our faiths. And being calm, and meditation always helps with the cellular healing.

    Feedback: It was a good post.

    Liked by 1 person

Click Here To Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s