This post is raw.
There is no fluff, no filler, nothing extraneous. This post is as near a piece of my own heart as I can make it. Something plucked tender and fragile from my chest and placed, still beating, on the altar.
I offer it up to you…
I don’t do what I do for money. I don’t do it for the dice-roll or the rattle and shake. I don’t do it because I harbor some sideways mile-high delusion of grandeour. I don’t do it for hyperbole, from hubris, or to mitigate an ever-vacant black hole. These type of things have never really appealed. In truth, they are not even in the vicinity of my prime mover.
The real reason is much, much simpler.
I do what I do because I feel that I have something to say. I feel, in my heart, that there are people who need to hear it. And I know that: if I do not get it together, no one else will.
My grandfather part raised me. He taught me music, poetry, philosophy and chess. He died when I was thirteen years old. I saw the black-wing skull-eye claw-toothed raven with my own eyes and, as simply as that, my childhood was over.
I understood that this was a finite deal. That: there would be an end, there would be a reckoning and, at some point, I would be lying on my own deathbed. And, at that moment, I would either be: filled with some measure of satisfaction, or harboring a spirit screaming; being torn apart, relentless vicious and all pain by a sky-high black tidal wave of regret. That there was a choice that I could make that would mean the difference between: enjoying a degree of peace in my passing, or spending my last moments on this earth facing down an unstoppable, inexorable, world-tide of pain-absolute, set in motion from the crack splinter and fail of the countless false dams I had been forced to construct in order to warp and twist my heart around a barbed wire path that was not my own.
Everything became very clear. And that choice (the choice of what to do with the time and energy of my life) seemed, in the best possible way, like no choice at all.
Because, at the root, I do what I do for a kind of love. At least, my idea of what a real love is. Something so deep and far reaching that is almost a kind of madness. A devotion, religious in it’s fervor, epic in it’s scope, and fathomless in it’s depth. Something to be fetished, day after day, month after month, and year after year, purely for the act of the worship itself. A love that forms a sacrificial altar upon which all the inconsequential distractions and minutiae of life can be blood-let and transmuted into something which shines as truly your own; unique, perfect and timeless.
And ever since the day that I truly understood that the meat of my body was ultimately destined for the worms or the flame, I have known that: as long as I extend the maximal amount of effort, as long as I try my hardest and work as truly as I can in this field, in this calling, in the relentless fray of my love, that I will come to the end my life free from the cloying stench of regret no matter how long it’s duration.
This is a knowing which is worth any price, any hardship, any sufferance.
This, is why I do what I do.
My name is James Radcliffe and I am a 100% audience supported independent artist. If you like what I do (and can afford it) then please consider buying some of my music. Each purchase really makes a big difference to me and 10% of every sale goes to a charity which: houses, feeds, clothes, and educates orphaned children in Nepal.
Also, every month I send out a newsletter packed with Interesting and Exclusive Things. If you sign up today you’ll also get 3 FREE tracks of my music as a welcome gift.
And lastly, if you’d like to find out what I’m up to on a more day-to-day basis then here is my brain on Twitter:
Love your brain and Spirit. I look forward to following you!
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Thanks a lot. ;-) I really appreciate it.
Be well,
– J
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Reblogged this and commented:
profound
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Thankyou. Glad you liked it.
– J
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Beautiful writing. And a kind of reassurance that vulnerability and authenticity are truly powerful and the only way to really live. I’m looking forward to reading/listening more… (Thanks for the like on Due South, btw)
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Thankyou very much, you are very kind.
(and so, so, welcome.) ;-)
Keep up the good work and have a great day,
– J
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This is so good, it makes me a bit dizzy.
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I love you too. ;-)
– J
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Your words and honesty are breathtaking.
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Thankyou so much. You are very kind. ;-)
Hope you are well,
– J
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Beautiful. I feel you brother. And thanks for checking in on my post today. Keep pushing and sharing. That will bring higher understanding and joy to you.
Etan
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You summed up in words, all that I admire in passionate and devoted people. Doing something because you truly believe in it. That in itself is beautiful. Well said!
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Thankyou very much – I am really glad you liked it. ;-)
– J
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Loved the way you write about love: “Something so deep and far reaching that is almost a kind of madness.”
Hope to feel something like that one day :)
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Thankyou very much, I am glad you like it.
I hope that for you too, ;-)
Be well,
– J
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Thank you,…very beautiful. You have chosen to present it here so splendidly. Your eloquence is remarkable. There is something so beautiful about how you have expressed yourself; you made me “feel” your words…. Now I imagine you reciting some great work…Keats or Yates perhaps….Lovely!!
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Thankyou so much.
This is a very beautiful comment and your words made me very happy – you are very kind. ;-)
I hope you are having a great day, thanks for stopping by,
– J
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Thanks James. You have come to know something beautiful since your Grandfather passed, you could have gone another way- but the path you chose is admirable. No regrets. Amen to that
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Thankyou very much, this means a lot to me.
Hope you are well my friend,
– J
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